Summering 2019

Det var längesen jag skrev nånting här. Tänkte summera året som gått!

I resväg har det inte blivit så mycket i år. I januari och oktober vart det ett par turer till Ullared. I februari var jag och syster till Spanien en sväng, inte helt fel det, även om det var lite kallt. En vecka på sjön och en helg i tält i Katrineholm i somras.

I våras kom jag på att en CrockPot är en bra grej! Lånade min systers först, men har köpt en egen, som jag inte har använt än!

Jag blev invald som suppleant i Handels avdelning 16's styrelse, och har gått en del utbildningar genom facket under året. Trevligt! Övriga styrelseuppdrag som jag har haft under året är bostadsrättsföreningen, Nyköpings filmstudio, Friskis och fackklubben på jobbet. Det låter nog som mer jobb än vad det är. Man kan konstatera att styrelsearbete är lite min grej.

Konserter som jag har varit på under året är Rod Stewart, Backstreet Boys och Michael Bublé. Sen vart det några konserter på Grönan i somras också, närmare bestämt Peter Jöback, Matt Corby och Jill Johnson. Musikalen En värsting till syster sågs nu här under hösten.

På bion har det varit ett bra år, skulle jag säga, till exempel The Green book, Rocketman, Yesterday, After, Last Christmas, Jag kommer hem igen till jul och Frost 2.

På en lite sorgligare not så dog min mormor på sensommaren. Jag och min syster har haft otroligt mycket roligt med mormor och morfar under åren. När vi var små brukade vi bo hos dem ett par veckor under somrarna. Fina tider! Henne minns jag med inget annat än glädje.

Så på det stora hela har det varit ett helt okej år. Men på en front har det varit det bästa året ever. Jag har fått så mycket kärlek och värmande ord så jag tror knappt att det är sant. På grund av omständigheter jag inte tänker gå in på har vi inte kunnat träffats, men som han säger, en dag. Den dagen ser jag fram emot! Mest med förtjusning, men med lite skräck eftersom mina erfarenheter inte precis talar för att det kommer gå särskilt bra. Men hur det än kommer gå så är jag honom evigt tacksam för att han har fått mig att må så bra i år! Jag kan leva länge på dem konversationerna.

Så, det var mitt 2019. Bara att vänta och se vad 2020 har att erbjuda. Jag börjar med tre veckor på Mauritius om knappt två veckor!

The First Line - två korta

Sen skickade jag även in ett par stycken som jag skrev för några år sen:

Bedtime story

       "There must have been thousands standing in the rain that day." She looked up at him.

       "What?" He seemed to be looking for something, stopped and turned to look at his wife in the bed. "Do you want to have sex tonight?"

       "Why do you always do that?" The smile on her face had gone.

       "Do what, dear?" He found his night shirt under a chair and put it on.

       "Oh, don't call me that. You know I hate that."

       "Yes, dear. I know." He grinned whilst jumping in under the covers. "So, do you want to have sex or not?"

       "I was trying to tell you about an important historic event. Did you listen at all?"

       "Of course, something about rain." He turned to pick up his book on the bedside table.

       "You are truly impossible."

       "Yes, dear." He waved the book at her. "Sex, no sex?"

       "What do you think?"

       "No sex."

       "Correct." She sighed looking at him making himself comfortable with the book in front of him. "You annoy me."

       "That must be annoying for you, dear." He smiled, keeping his eyes on the book.

       She wondered for a while whether she should tell him. Going through the scenarios of what might happen in her mind. How he would react. Did it matter?

       "I had sex with somebody else."

       He sat up suddenly. "What did you say?" He slowly turned to look at her.

       "I had sex with somebody else." She smiled.

       "What do you mean? Sex?"

       She took the empty glass on her bedside table and went to the bathroom to fill it with water. "Yes, you know when two people take their clothes off and..."

       "Yes, yes, yes, I know! But what do you mean, with somebody else?" He had a shocked look on his face still.

       "At Doris' and Mark's party last month." She came back and put the glass back on the table. Looking at him she continued. "It's not really working between us, is it?" She curled back in under the covers.

       "So you just went out and did it with somebody else. I think we're working just fine, dear."

       She smiled. Shook her head and turned around to sleep.

       He came in really close to her and whispered in her ear. "I had sex with somebody else, too, at that party. So there!" Before she had reacted he turned around.

       They would stay quiet for a long while. None of them getting any closer to sleeping. Both thinking.

       "You know." She hesitated.

       He turned over on his back and looked over at her. "What?"

       "It was a costume party. I never saw your costume. Did you see mine?"

       "Nope." He put his hands under his head.

       "I didn't think much about it then, but..." She hesitated again. "There was something that I recognized, but couldn't really put my finger on it."

       "What on earth are you talking about?"

       "Who did you have sex with?"

       "I don't know, she was in a costume. That was sort of the idea."

       "I know, for me too. But what costume was she wearing?"

       "Are you finally feeling a little jealous?" He raised an eyebrow and smiled at her.

       In less than a second she flew out of bed and disappeared into the wardrobe. Rooting around in there for a while, and then came back out holding a costume.

       "Do you recognize this?"

Och den andra:

Time for celebration

       "There must have been thousands standing in the rain that day. Up to that day, and not since, have I ever seen such a rainy day." I turned from the window and looked at him. "Do you remember that day?"

       I was in the middle of the re-caption of his life's story. Soon about to get to the end and the best part. The part I had been waiting for my whole life.

       I grabbed the chair by the window and put it next to the bed. I sat down and looked at him, and I smiled. It was as if the purpose of my life came to be so clear just in that second. Of course, I had looked forward to this day for many years.

       We have been friends for as long as I can remember, he and I. Played with the same buckets and spades in the same sand box outside the same apartment building. In fact, my mother and his mother had always told us stories of how we spent the first few nights together in the same room at the hospital after being born at almost exactly the same moment, him just minutes before me. Always a little better, even then.

       "That was your biggest night. That show was incredible. Thousands and thousands in the audience, and every single one loved you. Still do, I assume." I smiled. All but one. "The rain didn't stop them." I laughed at the memory.

       We were both in a band in school. The best band in the whole wide world. That was the name of our band. I know, it sounds lame, but come on, we were kids! He did vocals and played bass guitar. I played the drums. We used to laugh and say we would stick together forever. If one of us would go on to bigger and better things, we would bring the other one along. To cut a very long story short; that didn't happen.

       After college I went into the - as it turned out - incredibly boring world of engineering. He on the other hand struck it big. Really big. He sang something walking home from somewhere and a talent agent happened the walk past. That's luck. But not for me. Never for me.

       Some people said he was greater than the Beatles, ABBA and Elvis put together. I had never really cared much for his music. Mike "The Mike" Palmer. I hated the nick name. I mean, "The Mike", how stupid is that?

       I looked at him lying there on the hospital bed. For a fragment of a second I felt sorry for him. But that feeling went away as quickly as it appeared. I stood up, leaned in close to his face. "I'm going to tell you a little story."

       There was nothing there anymore. No responses to any questions. Some movement in the eyes but the doctors said that was muscle reflexes. I took some pleasure in seeing him like this, I must admit. For once in our lives I was the one talking and he was the one listening. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

       "The day you had your accident. I celebrated. Yes, you heard me. I celebrated. For the first time in your life something went badly. I celebrated. I always came in last, but at least I will beat you in living longer." I smiled and put my hand on his forehead. "Do you remember how we said we would never split up and conquer the music world together? What happened to that? Huh?"

       I grabbed the extra pillow and put it over his face. Held it there for a while. When the machines started beeping I let go and put the pillow back. Ran for the door and met the people dressed in white coming in. Hysterically I called out questions like 'what's happening' and 'is he going to die'. A nurse pulled me aside and try to calm me down.

       When they all left the room the machines were gone and so was he. I sat down and wondered if perhaps I had gone into the wrong line of work. The smile on my face grew big and before I could stop myself I was laughing.

The First Line 2019 - The miserable life

Och här följer den andra versionen:

The Miserable Life

Part 1 - Spring

      "Well, there's ten minutes of my life I'll never get back." She laughed at her best friend, Katrina's, twisted humor, and told her that she had to go. "I'm off to my big interview!"

      Allison Brown hung up the phone and rushed into the bathroom to get ready.

      She had recently finished school to become a travel agent and this was the day she was being interviewed for the perfect job. The agency was situated on a perfect distance from her home, just a fifteen minute bus ride. She thought she might have had to move, but as it turned out, somebody was retiring. She applied and they wanted to meet her.

      Allie could feel her life turning around for the better already. Not that she had too much to complain about so far, but she felt good things was in store for her. And she wanted to think she was deserving of it. Of course, she would have to nail the interview first. Strangely enough the nerves was working with her this time, she didn't really feel nervous.

      She looked at the time. And then she made the first mistake of the day. She lay down on the bed.

      "Just for a second", she thought, "there's plenty of time".

      Forty five minutes later she woke up. It took her a while to realize what had happened. Why was she all dressed on the bed?

      "Oh no! No no no! This is not happening!"

      She ran out the door, down the road, around the corner, down that road and got to the bus stop as a bus had just left. She could see it in the distance.

      "Where the hell is a taxi when I need it?!"

As she started walking, on the verge of running, she realized it was raining. She looked around to see if any taxis happened to drive by. That's when the truck slowed down and the driver opened a window.

      "Do you need a lift?" A bearded man looked at her with interest.

      "That would be very nice. Thank you."

      Mistake number two. She jumped into the truck.

      "Thank you, this is really nice of you." She looked at him and thought to herself that this perhaps was not her brightest idea.

      She told him where she was going.

      "I'm going right past there, so no problem." He started driving.

      She leaned back in the seat and took a deep breath. She went to close her eyes, but decided to keep one open, just in case. After a while he took a wrong turn and she started to feel uncomfortable.

      "Uhm, excuse me, I am pretty sure this is the wrong way."

      "Depends on where we're going, doesn't it?" He starred at her and smiled one of those creepy smiles that made the hairs stand on the back of her neck.

      "I think I can walk from here. If you can stop and let me out." She tried to smile.

      "Nope." He laughed. "I have something else in mind. Don't worry, you'll enjoy it. All you bitches enjoy it."

      She cleared her throat. "You see, I have a job interview today and I am very late. So... uhm... I would be very happy if you could stop here and let me out. I can pay you..." She took out her wallet. "I mean for bringing me here. I am very thankful. You've taken me a bit of the way, I can walk the rest, that's not a problem. Thank you."

      He said nothing and turned into a gas station. She was happy, thinking she had been heard.

      "Oh, thank you."

      As the truck came to a halt she went to open the door, but was stopped when he grabbed her. She turned, he was starring at her, the brown teeth sticking out under the grin on his face.

      "Let me see how thankful you are. Show me! Take off your top, show them to me!"

      She was confused. "No! I'm not going to..."

      He threw himself over her, pressing her against the window. He held her hard and put his lips against hers. She wanted to throw up.

      Thankful for having taken that self defense class that Katrina took her to six months ago, she managed to get the man off her and get out of the truck. And then she ran.

      She didn't have to go far, he wasn't following her. She stopped to get air. The rain was really coming down now, she was soaking wet, and at least an hour late for the interview.

      "No... Why?" She found herself resting against a wall, sobbing like a child.

      "Are you okay?" A woman put her hand on Allies shoulder.

      Allie started rambling about all that had gone wrong so far that day. The woman nodded compassionately.

      "Perhaps I can give you a lift? My car is parked right there."

      Allie thought nothing more could go wrong today and thanked the woman. They got into her car and she started driving.

      "I'm soaking your seat."

      "It's only water. Don't you worry about that, dear."

She wasn't really surprised by the fact that she had missed her chance on the job. The position had already been filled. But she was angry. At herself for falling asleep. At that disgusting man in the truck. At the rain. At everything except for the woman that gave her a lift.

      She was walking. Somewhere. She wasn't really sure where she was going. Home perhaps. Thankfully the rain had stopped and she was drying up.

      That's when she made mistake number three. She turned into the wrong street.

      "Hey! Give me your wallet!"

      She turned and froze. A man with a mask on his face had a knife pointed at her. She did as she was told and gave him the wallet.

      "Your cell phone too! Come on!"

      She gave it to him.

      He grabbed her purse and ran.

      She stood there looking at him disappearing in the distance.

      "Oh my God, we have to call the police!" A man came running across the street. "Did he get everything?" He put his cell phone to his ear as she nodded.

      Fifteen minutes later she was taken care of by a police officer at the station. She gave him all the information her tired head could give him.

      How tall was he? What was he wearing? Did he speak with an accent? Eye and hair color? Any tattoos or anything else distinctive? Was he running with a limp or was he moving differently in any other way?

The nice police officer drove her home when they were done and told her to go to bed and rest. That is exactly what she did.

      When she was lying there in her bed she wondered what she could ever have done to deserve such a miserable day as this one had been. She sighed and put the pillow over her head.

The Miserable Life

Part 2 - Summer

      "Why are you always so cynical?" Verbal banter behind her in the queue to the cashier in the supermarket got Allie laughing to herself.

      She stopped to get something to cook for dinner on the way home from work. The week after she had missed the interview she walked past a cute cafeteria that had a sign in the window that they needed help. At first she couldn't believe her luck. But once she started working it soon became clear that she should have ran past and not gone in.

      The manager, Mr. Gibbs, was on the surface the perfect citizen. Contributed to different charities in all sorts of ways. He was married to a lovely lady, Marianne, and they had two grown sons in college. Around others he always seemed like the perfect boss.

      But Mr. Gibbs had a difficult time knowing what was right and wrong, where it is okay to put his hands, for example. If she didn't let him do what he wanted, he would threaten her that she would lose the job. If it hadn't been impossible to find another job she would have left right away, but she really needed the money. So far it was mostly him having his hand on her breast while jerking off. It was disturbing and disgusting, but she comforted herself with the fact that at least he didn't want her to do anything to him. If it would ever come to that, she had told herself, she would leave.

Entering the apartment building she got a bad feeling. When she got up to her floor she knew why. Her door was open and the lock broken.

      "What the hell is going on with my life..." She turned around, started walking back towards the stairs and picked up her cell phone to call the police.

      "Allie?"

      She spun around surprised to see the nice police officer in her doorway. "Yes, that is me. The girl with all the luck!" She gave him a tired smile.

      "Yes, I remember. How have you been?" He came towards her.

      "Well, apart from landing a crappy job with the worst boss ever, and my flat being broken into, fantastic!" She sighed.

      "I'm sorry. I really am. This is the part I hate about my job." He looked at her with sincere compassion. "Would you be willing to come in and check what's missing?"

      "Sure." She started walking into the flat. "Who called you guys?"

      "A neighbor."

      "So nosy neighbors is a good thing after all." She looked at him.

      "Always." He smiled. "Did you miss that memo?"

      They looked at each other and broke into laughter. His colleagues glanced over at them with confused looks.

      He really was very handsome. Blue eyes and his smile made her weak in the knees. She had no problems seeing herself doing all sorts of things with him.

The messy flat wasn't really livable at that moment and Katrina demanded Allie to come stay with her. So after finishing checking what was missing in the flat the nice policeman gave Allie a lift to her house.

      "I'm sure I will see you again pretty soon." Allie smiled at the policeman. "Thank you."

      "I hope not. I mean, not while I'm working." He smiled.

      "Come here!" Katrina met Allie in the door and gave her a big, long hug. "I've made up the guest bedroom for you. You can stay for as long as you want, of course."

      They went in the house and Allie had the bath Katrina had prepared for her. Katrina even brought her a glass of wine.

      "What do you say about going out tonight?" Katrina looked at Allie with excitement. "Drown our sorrows for the night. What do you say? It's been ages!"

      Allie thought for a second. "Sure. Why not."

      "Okay, drink up then so you can get out of this bath already!" Katrina winked at her. "I'll go change. Take your time." She smiled as she left the bathroom.

Edward McGuire was incredibly nice and quite good looking. They met in the club Katrina took them to after a late dinner at an Indian restaurant next door. He came up to Allie at the bar after she had just finished drink number four and offered to buy her the next one. They started talking and a couple of hours later they were trying to have sex in the restroom. They had both been drinking quite a lot and had a hard time standing up straight, so sex turned out to be a bit tricky.

      Katrina had also found herself a man for the night and the four of them shared a taxi home. Allie got out with Edward and Katrina took her man home.

      This would later turn out to be another mistake Allie made.

The Miserable Life

Part 3 - Fall

      "We need to talk." Edward had his angry face on. He usually did, these days.

      Allie had pretty much moved in with him. He lived in a house with a pool and spa bath. She loved coming to stay in the beginning, so when he asked if she would move in she didn't think much more of it than how amazing it would be to live in that fantastic house.

      Edward was so adorable and kind in the beginning of their relationship. He would buy her roses when the opportunity arose. He would hold her hand when they walked under the moon. He would buy her gifts for no reason, simply because he wanted to. She felt so lucky.

      But then one night he came home late after having had beers with friends. Allie was upset that he hadn't called to say how late he would be, and then, when he came close she thought she smelled women's perfume on him.

      He snapped when she mentioned it. Grabbed her around the neck with one of his strong hands, put his face just next to hers and started rambling on about how she was not the boss of him, she would never be, and how she was useless at everything, her crappy cooking and bad cleaning. He told her that of course he had to go somewhere else for sex, as she was particularly useless in that area.

      After she tried to tell him off and get away he went crazy. He hit her so she fell to the ground, kicked her around for a bit and then growled something about going to Mike's for better company.

      She managed to get up after a while and got herself into bed, where she fell asleep completely exhausted, with the tears streaming down her face.

      She woke up a while later when he carefully got into the bed and snuggled up against her.

      "I'm sorry." He stank of alcohol. "I'm sorry... It will never happen again. I promise! I don't know what happened to me. I'm sorry!"

      She felt sorry for him. Turned around in his arms and put her hands on his cheeks. He was crying. She smiled and kissed him.

      "Do you promise that it won't happen again?"

      "Yes, with all my heart. Never! I love you, I will never hurt you. Never!"

      She nodded. He touched the blue and yellow on her face and started sobbing again. She held him in her arms and they both eventually fell asleep.

      "What do we need to talk about?"

      Allie looked at him and couldn't believe that she had become one of those women. One of those women that believe everything he says and actually thinks that it was only that one time, he didn't mean to do it, he won't do it again, he said so.

      She told Katrina after the first time. She said Allie had to leave him. Allie said she didn't want to, that he was changing, he didn't mean it, he wasn't going to do it again. Katrina gave Allie an ultimatum. Either she'd leave him or they wouldn't be friends anymore. Allie chose Edward.

      Sometimes when Mr. Gibbs had her backed up in a corner to get his enjoyment for the day, she would think that perhaps she would tell Edward about what Mr. Gibbs was doing to her. Then perhaps Edward would kill him.

      Allie was surprised at how fast she got used to it. The first time had only been about three months ago and she already knew the pattern. She knew the moment he got home what kind of a night it would be. If he slammed the door it would be really bad. If he brought a rose he would be completely lovely all night and then expect sex before bed. Sometimes he would seem to be in a nice mood, but then she made some kind of mistake and he would snap. Like if dinner was a little late or too salty, or if the pillows on the couch hadn't been fluffed to his satisfaction or the bed linen was a little wrinkly. Sometimes he wouldn't care about things like that and those days were actually livable. On a day like that she almost thought that he had changed.

      Allie missed Katrina, but was too embarrassed to call her. She had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with Allie as long as she was with Edward. Recently she had started thinking that Katrina might have been right. Maybe she should leave him.

      "You've been seeing another man, haven't you?"

      "What are you talking about?"

      "Don't try, you know exactly what I'm talking about!"

      She shook her head and turned to walk away.

      "You do not walk away from me!" He grabbed her and pulled her in close to him. He held her hard, she couldn't move, barely even breathe.

      "Let me go! I haven't seen anybody else, you know that. I love you. I'm living with you. I love you. Please, let me go, you're hurting me."

      "Not as much as you're hurting me. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear your wife is seeing somebody else? Behind your back?"

      "I'm not your wife, we're not married."

      "You moved into MY house, it's the same thing!"

      "Who told you I'm seeing someone else? Who am I supposed to be seeing?"

      She was feeling gutsy. It had been a while now since she realized biting back didn't do that much difference, if his mind was made up that he was going to hit her he would do it no matter what she said och didn't say. Sometimes, though, she thought she saw the look in his eyes change. Like he was surprised by what she had said. And one time, her words had actually put him off balance completely and he left instead of hitting her. Of course, she would never know if he would have done it, but she comforted herself thinking that she made him not do it, at least once.

      "It doesn't matter who said it, I know it's true."

      Then he beat her up worse than ever. She blacked out and when she woke up she was in a hospital bed.

      "You're awake! Your husband just left to get something to eat. He'll be back in a while. He's such a sweetheart, he's been sitting her by your side the whole time you've been here." The nurse leaned over Allie and smiled. "How are you feeling?"

      "He's not my husband. We live together." Allie noticed it was hard to speak and to open her eyes completely.

      "You were very lucky, you know. It could have ended really badly. It's a good thing your husband came home in time!" The nurse checked the IV.

      "What do you mean?" Allie noticed her head was hurting, and her stomach, her legs, hands, arms. Her whole being hurt. "Can I get something for the pain?"

      "Of course, I will talk to the doctor."

      "What do you mean when you said I was lucky?"

      "The burglar could have killed you!" The nurse took a step back. "I'll be right back with your painkiller!"

The Miserable Life

Part 4 - Winter

      "I'm tired of trying to see the good in people." Allie was having lunch with Katrina. "There is no good in people."

      After another couple of months of the same behavior from Edward she had decided she had had enough. That's when she realized she needed her best friend, and her support. If for nothing else than to give her something to smile about.

      So Allie called her and hung up the first time. Paced the floor back and forth for a while until she realized Katrina would have seen that it was her calling and she dialed the number again.

      They had talked for two hours and Allie told her everything. About Edward and about Mr. Gibbs. Katrina told her all about how she had been there. They cried together and all the bad feelings between them was gone. When Allie hung up the phone she felt closer to Katrina than ever.

      "There's plenty of good in people. You just need to find the right people." Katrina smiled at her friend across the table and then glanced at her watch. "I'm sorry, honey, I have to get back to work."

      "Yes, of course. It's fine."

      Katrina stopped and turned towards Allie when they came out on the street.

      "You can do it tomorrow. Just be careful! You're calling me tonight, right?"

      Allie nodded. "Yes, I'll be careful. It's Saturday tomorrow, so he'll be sleeping late. He's going out for drinks tonight, so I'm packing my stuff then. I'll call you when you can come pick it up."

      "Remember, don't take everything. So he doesn't notice tonight."

      "He won't notice anything tonight. After the amount of beers he's going to be drinking tonight all he'll notice is if I refuse to have sex with him."

      They hugged goodbye. Katrina took one good look at her friend before she nodded and walked away. Allie watched her disappear down the street and around a corner.

She woke up early. He was sleeping beside her, the smell of smoke and beer in a cloud around him. Carefully she climbed out from under the covers and out of the bed. As silently as possible she got the clothes that she had laid on the floor and went out to the living room to get dressed. As she was finished she looked around, took a stroll around the house, took a last look. She took a moment in the hallway to think if she had forgotten anything.

      Katrina had showed up the night before and got her things. Allie wasn't going to stay at Katrina's for very long. It would be the first place Edward would look. They were in the final stages of getting a new flat for Allie and hopefully a new job, the interview had gone well, Allie had high hopes.

      After getting out of the house Allie was heading to the police station to report Mr. Gibbs for rape and Edward for assault. She was hoping the nice policeman would be on duty. The memory of those beautiful blue eyes made her dizzy and she turned too quickly knocking over a vase that fell to the floor with a bang. She froze, but Edward didn't come storming out of the bedroom. She hurried to put her shoes and coat on and put her hand on the door handle.

      "Where are you going?" His voice was soft and she immediately knew she was in deep trouble.

      "Just out for a walk. I couldn't sleep." She tried to sound convincing, but wasn't sure she succeeded.

      "Do you think I'm stupid?"

      "No, of course not. Why would I do that? I don't do that." She tried to smile.

      "If you think I'm going to let you go, you're even dumber than I thought you were." He was standing very close to her.

      "I'm just going for a walk, I told you." She giggled.

      He grabbed her hair and she squealed from the pain when he pulled her head back.

      "You think I don't know what you and your little friend have been planning? She's pretty good in the sack, you know. Katrina. You could learn a lot from her. Great body, too. Nice, firm tits. And her... you know. Mmm mmm mmm. Delicious."

      "You never slept with Katrina! She would have told me! Stop lying! And let me go! You're hurting me!" She tried to get away from his grip, but he was too strong. "Yes, I'm leaving you! I hate you! You've ruined my life so far, I won't let you ruin the rest!"

      "There is no life without me. If I can't have you no one can. You do understand, right?"

      He changed the grip and that gave her the opportunity to slink out and run into the kitchen. He followed slowly, giving her the time to pick something up and hide behind her back.

      "You really are stupid." He entered the kitchen and walked slowly towards her. "Why did you run in here? The window don't open in here." He laughed the despicable laugh only he could laugh.

      He stopped in front of her. Faces close enough to almost touch. He raised a hand to put it on her cheek. She took a step back and without thinking she hit him over the head with the frying pan in her hand. He fell to the ground and she stood completely still for a second, silently wondering what she had just done. Was he dead? She had no interest in finding out, stepped over him and ran out of the house.

      And hopefully out of his life, if he still had one.

The nice policeman's name was Samuel Davis. He was on duty that morning that Allie came running in completely out of breath after having ran all the way without stopping. It took a good five minutes of panting on one of the station's chairs before Samuel got anything out of her.

      "I think I may have killed someone." Allie was shaking. "You should arrest me. That's what they do in movies. And that TV show with that writer lady that solves crimes." She put her arms out waiting for the handcuffs. "Go ahead."

      "Take it easy. Tell me what happened." He pushed her hands down and smiled that beautiful smile.

      She told him all about Edward. And all about Mr. Gibbs, too. She sobbed, and Samuel tried to calm her.

      "Shouldn't you go to Edward's house and see what I did? I think I killed him! Go, quick!"

      "If he's dead there's no hurry. And if he's not dead he can suffer for a while. It's not a problem. Just relax. You're safe here."

      "Can I call you Sam?" Allie dried her wet cheeks.

      "Of course, everybody calls me that. Except my mother, she still calls me Snuffles."

      Allie fell into laughter and Sam smiled, happy he had made her happy. He put his hand on hers. They shared a look and for the first time in a very, very long time she felt good, and safe.

Sam radioed colleagues on the field to check the house where Allie claimed to have killed someone after he had put Allie in a cell to get some sleep.

      He wanted to let her sleep in the break room, but she insisted on a cell. She said she wouldn't feel safe in any other place - the exception being in Sam's arms, perhaps, but she didn't tell him that - until she knew how Edward was doing. If he had woken up and was looking for her, she was in trouble. Sam finally agreed the cell was better.

      He waited somewhat impatiently until the colleagues radioed back telling him that Mr. McGuire was alive. She had certainly knocked him out, and he was groggy, but he was alive and didn't seem to be too hurt. Sam drew a sigh of relief. Relieved he wouldn't have to arrest that wonderful woman for murder.

      That wonderful woman that had gone through so much this year. He was determined to try and turn things around for her. He was going to take her out to dinner and pamper her, the way he had wanted to since the first time they met, after she had been mugged.

Later that night they had dinner at a Thai restaurant Sam said he loved. They chatted all evening about everything between heaven and sea.

      Before they entered the apartment building where he lived Allie stopped him. She looked up at the dark sky.

      "Isn't it beautiful? All the stars. Just think, it goes on forever out there. Never stops."

      He watched her. "Yes, beautiful is right."

      She turned and looked at him.

      "You know." She sighed. "If only I hadn't fallen asleep and missed that bus, I would have landed that perfect job and I would have had the perfect life. If only."